Hopeless Life // Lifeless Hope

it's my seventh day alone, here, at sabah... i'm happy with it, somehow on the other side, no one in  this world happy to stay home alone :):

Well, I'm kinda busy these few days, packing my stuff (I'm going back to Kuala Lumpur), cleaning the house, washing all the curtains (get ready for the Eid) and sewing my own Eid's shirt. And this year Eid, I'll wearing pink kurta :D

Okay, stop talking nonsense. I just wanna share what happened few days ago. I met this new friend, he's nice, seems nice, but I don't really know him but actually. But of course there's reason I said he's a nice guy, right? So, it is from what he told me before. All his words really meaningful to me. 


Actually, he is like the first man in this world that makes me realized who am I to myself, to her, to him, to them, where I live, what I live for, what I do, and what I supposed to do. He started all this with one word, hope. 


He said, we can't live in this world without hope, without holding on something or someone. We, as human being, are weak. We need this and that. We need someone to be our friend, something to eat, some job to work for so we can earn cash to buy something we want or need. We can't just live in this earth without doing something. Sitting at a chair for the whole day, doing nothing, with an empty mind, swear to God, that's impossible.

Live our life, get started with one thing, hope. Hoping for a good life, run the day with fun, follow the rules, don't get involves with the 'don't'. Hoping for a good one, who's always support your day, always there when you're in trouble, swipe your tears, and laugh with you, during the good moment. Hoping for the good things to happen, hoping for the good things to come. It'll be wonderful :)

But, how's life going to be without hope? Hopeless life, is like planting a tree without the seed. It'll be nothing, nothing happen. Life without purpose. Hopeless. 


But... how's life with too much hope? Lifeless hope, is like planting a seed, in the middle of the desert. It'll never works. Hope without effort. Lifeless.


I have nothing left to say, still busy with the 'packing' things, he ends the conversation with,

"Live your life with hope, 

but don't hoping too much, 

work it out, put full effort, 

and let the hope lives your life"

Few days ago, I met some new good friends, inspiring friends. I asked one, how could I pay back for all the advice? "Do nothing, because that's how friend supposed to be", my heart speak out then "Your existence gives me hope"

Flexibility ~~~

it's gonna be a sad day, 

father's day without my dad, 

the same day my mom leaving to kl, 

and my lil bro going back to hostel... 

home alone..

I'm too busy these few days, hoping for something to be happened without any action taken. Yes, I'm currently single, you can see it from my previous entry. Never mind, just ignore that. I believe in Him, there must be a good reason in it :) There's always someone or something better in this world, right?

Be Flexible.

So, what's the matter with flexibility? It was started almost 10 years ago, I still living at Sabah, Borneo, MY at that time. My sister ask me to move to her house, at Kuala Lumpur, MY but I'd rejected her offer, I was too small to leave this mansion, and of course I don't wanna leave my parents here. 2006, I'm finally leaved this house, it was so hard at first, but yes, it's great on the other side. I'm free, babe :D

Okay, I'm tired writing this bullshit story, make it short and sweet, I've move to Petaling Jaya,  then Kuala Lumpur, then Puchong, then Labuan, then Sabah, and now, I'm going back to Kuala Lumpur. Each and every time I think about this, makes me feel lifeless. How can I live my life in such ways? One place to another, I creates my new life and leave the old one behind, just like that. Meets new friends and leave the old as memories. 


Think and think and think, then I found the answer. I'm flexible...

Of course there are advantages and disadvantages for being flexible. However, I'm not going to tell you much, one is enough. The best thing of being flexible, you can always join any community, the old, or the kid, different gender, faith, race, and political view :) And take note, open-minded mentality is needed, empathy is compulsory, since you're in a different community, talk as they talk, minimize argument, say "yes" the most, that's the worst.


Wanna be flexible??? In my condition, it's good thing. And I'm survived. But the reality is, flexibility is about sacrificing you real life, creates the new life, and it'll be sacrificed someday as the older one. One important thing I think people should know, being flexible makes the people from your previous world stamp you as 'fake' (_ _")

"whatever is it, God knows the best"

*flexi PEACE story*

Giving Up (!_!)

Oh God, give me strength.

What happen yesterday. I made a call, just like the other day, but yesterday sounds little bit serious. I asked how far can we be in this relationship? Then I got an unexpected answer :(

"We're still young, we're haven't met each other yet, I'm not a loyal person"

I heard it clearly, word by word, my brain start translating, the neurons working on the inputs, then I realize that he actually saying that we are not in serious relationship. Oh Lord... Don't you know I gave everything for you :(

As the consequence, I took a drastic action, deactivating my social network account where I can see him. Am I giving up? No, not yet. Giving up is not my styles, I just need few moments, alone. I can't face the world with this kind of feeling, the bad feeling about myself. Yes, I'm the one who bad, for expecting others to be like what I think.

"If happy ever after did exist,

I would still be holding you like this"

Damn, this freak thing really killing my mind. I can't think rationally. Down. Down. Down. Then I talk to a friend, he said, 

"If youre considering giving up on someone, you probably already have, but giving up on your relationship doesn't always mean you don't love them anymore." 

When we talk about giving up, he added, 

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. Moving on can mean that you're making a choice to be happy rather than hurt. It doesn't mean that you're giving up.Giving up and letting go are not the same thing."

The moment we're talking about all these things, made me realize, I still have something even if I lost my love, such friendship, family relationship. This one friend is the best example, each and every time I talk to him, he always gained me my strength back, thank God I still having a good friend by my side. Before we end our conversation, he told,

"Before you give up, think of the reason why you held on so long." 

"Don't give up on love, because there is always someone who loves you. Even if it's not the person you were hoping for."

Dear God, I thank You for giving me this life.

Dear love, lose you means I loses something, not everything.

Dear friend, thanks for giving back my strength.

Sincerely,  a broken heart PEACE narrator.

Boundaries ---/ /---

I really really have no idea what to write about, but I still want to, awkward me (_ _") By the way, I just want to share about this one thing that living in each and every single human-being in this world, boundary.

Boundary, separated each of us.

What is it about actually? The boundary, first think, can be the state boundary, yup, I do think so. But, in this world, there is bigger issue when we talk about boundary other than state boundary. Of course there are many, one of the huge boundary in this world, culture.

In the 19th century, humanists such as English poet and essayist used the word "culture" to refer to an ideal of individual human refinement, of "the best that has been thought and said in the world." Obviously, culture is a big boundary between us, normal human-being. Look at the Asians, and compare with the Westerners, what can we see?

As the consequence, different culture directly separate the races in between continents, even between country, and in that particular country itself. And what's the issue?? The problem with this is the boundary that exists in the culture build a new boundary, races boundary.

How about religion? Yes, it's might be the worst between the all. Every religion have its own routines, its own rules, its own lifestyles. And of course the differences made up boundary. I don't have much to say about it, because it's really obvious, one and other religion seems can't tolerate. 

Look at us, ourselves, we are separated from each other by these boundaries. Different faith, culture and lifestyle, makes you awkward in one community. But how do we stay in that period? Well, here is the secret, love :)

I'm not a motivator, not a sweet talker either, but I believe in the emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment called love, always keeps me together with the others.

Take note, love has no boundary.

-a lover's PEACE story-

Follow Your Dreams

I've finished my preschool, then primary school, then secondary school, also the latest one,  my college. Now, waiting for the call from the university for this September intake. Confused, in dilemma, big dilemma on what coarse I'm going to choose, so, when I asked my dad opinion, simple answer "Follow your dreams".

Dream as high as the sky.

He's inspired me to write this then. Makes me find few inspiring words to be shared here.

I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.

All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains. And we never even know we have the key.

The end of wisdom is to dream high enough not to lose the dream in the seeking of it.

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.

is not a matter of colors, dream is about shines. 

You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dream closer. 

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.

The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success.

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

A skillful man reads his dreams for self-knowledge, yet not the details but the quality.

Our waking hours form the text of our lives, our dreams, the commentary.

Hope is the dream of the waking man.

"To unpathed waters, undreamed shores." - William Shakepeare 

- a PEACE story from a big-dreamer -