Independence

i'm so busy... on the other side, idk what am i doing -_-" it's sounds lifeless, 

but the truth is, this is students' life look like, perhaps.

Well, few months ago was our University General Election and the first election I'd ever involve in. So, I'd voted few candidates that I really really hope that they can do something to our University, or at least, make a change. Some how, I was so tired with hoping someone will do this, do that. So, I stop hoping, and wanna be more independent person.

Let be one, because if you don't try now, I don't think you'll ever survive. If you're born in a richi-rich family background, you might not need it. But I'm not that person, lucky still, my family can send me to the University. I'm independent enough to live without them by my side, but not really enough to live my life alone.

I went to the counselor, just for fun, to ask about what I supposed to do? How? How to be more independent than I before?

Recall back what she was telling me yesterday (the day before the election), she started with "Accept yourself". I can't be an independent man if I don't make myself strong she said, and to do so, I need to accept all the capability inside me. Then, accept yourself, just the way you are. Yes, I couldn't agree more. She's right.

The are many others step to be followed to. Right after we accept ourselves, we must accept the world. But how? What for? 

"Independent people are not vain, nor do they believe the entire human race is cruel. Independent people are those who see the world, with its good and its bad, and consciously choose to be strong for themselves and others. You are not independent because you do not trust anyone. You are not independent because you think highly of yourself. Master this technique. Learn to accept the world, and decide to be strong."

I started to like her right after that. what she'd said is absolute true. However, tbh I still couldn't see any relation in that. So, I asked about any closer perspective. She told me (of course I can't quote what she said exactly), what I need is actually just be myself, then I'll flow automatically, be fully independence. But, I have to consider few tiny things that I couldn't really handle as a student, is to be emotionally independent, and is to be financially independent.

Again, she got the point. Yes I do cannot handle those two things. I'd cry a lot, just so you know. And still, don't have my own livelihood. I just can't do anything about it on this moment. She add, "So let it to time".

Sometimes, talk to stranger seems so much better even the truth is, 

they don't understand the real situation.

Discrimination

watching the news just now, those black fellows, somewhere in mississippi, 

aren't allowed to get married at the church just because they're black.

What the hell is happen with the world nowadays? Aren't people nowadays can't think? 

Credit to Racism Has No Place

So upset there are still people like this nowadays :(

It's all about numbers.

missed out my parents' birthday :( happy belated birthday, ibu, happy belated birthday, ayah. i love you both more than anything else after the lord and his messenger.

counting down to my registration day, sayonara, world. i'll leave everybody, to concentrate on study. hope so. ameenn.

So, 2013 will be another great year isn't? I really hope so, because I'm seriously tired with life, my personal life to be honest. Kutuk-ing others for being fake, yet lying everybody about almost everything about me. 

I tried to be matured enough, I pray for it a lot. Since I'm having my semester break right now, I'd visited my previous colleague. Then her, suddenly ask about my age, idk why. Yeah, I'm going to be 20 this year. Old enough to be called as teenager, then there's come another question, "Bila nak kawin?". Huh, sounds hard truthfully. 

Oh, that's not the real deal actually, pretty obvious. The thing is, the bigger the number, the heavier the thing. Age is not the only matter here, it's about everything. Is it a compulsory to have those big number in your life? Age perhaps is something you can't deny with, but what about others? 

People like big numbers, trust me. Everybody likes huge number of followers on Twitter. Lots of customers, in business literally. Many zeros of bucks. What ever it is, the more it could be, the more the love of it. 

I knew there are also negative sides of big numbers, such as, problems. But I just don't wanna talk about negative things here. So, it's all about numbers isn't it? Because, the truth is, that's how life works. 

 Good night.

Responsibility II

"2012 had been rough, 2012 had been tough."

Do you know what's your responsibility as a grandson? Is to attend your grandpa's funeral. Oh Lord, forgive me for not being responsible enough, to my friends, to my family, to myself. Shame on me.

"Liberty means responsibility.  

  That's why most men dread it."

I was always thinking of freedom, run away from everything, to not to have the burden haunting myself, my soul. But at the end, it comes back to basic, responsibility. I then, found something. Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being. With freedom comes responsibility. For the person who is unwilling to grow up, the person who does not want to carry is own weight, this is a frightening prospect. And I know, I'm the one, it's me.

Yup, the further you run away, the heavier the burden get be, trust me. Because the only reason I'm doing my pre-university and my undergraduate study far far away from home is to run away from my responsibility, yet the end, only God knows how suffered I am.

This is about the messages embedded into us as a child, and the electrical reinforcement of those messages.

Then, here it comes again, a new year, idk how would it be, still praying so things get better. Still, my responsibilities is there, as His servant, as His messenger's follower, as a son, as a brother, as an uncle, as a friend, as a student, as what as it should be, I pray within this sinner's soul, to be a good believer, to be a mature.

2013, be responsible, amen.